12 NOVEMBER 2023 This is one of life’s great unfairnesses (if there is such a word): I sincerely believe that the people who create crossword puzzles make up words to make them fit into their puzzles. For example, how am I, a skilled wordsmith, supposed to know that an “anoa” is, according to the clue given, a “celebes ox”? How many times a day does someone ask, “So what are you feeding your anoa?” Unfortunately for the oppressed and under- dictionaried, there is no real solution, but there is a method of revenge: Make up your own new words. And so, let us proceed with this new volume of lexicon that will not only amaze but completely befuddle those tyrants who cram definitions into little squares and expect us to figure them out. Nudespaper—a publication that prints only the bare facts Berglar – a thief who specializes in glacier chunks Burglard – a thief who steals only rendered fat Eggstacy – getting overly excited about an omelet Altornado – a female choir member whose singing starts windstorms Eggzagerate – fibbing about a hen’s production Newdle – fresh pasta Burgerlar – a thief who only steals fast food Buglar – a thief who steals only creepy crawly things Blunch – a noontime embarrassment Choon – an answer to “whatcha doon’?” when put to a person with a mouthful of tobacco Carniburp – a stomach expulsion that occurs at the county fair after eating a bale of cotton candy. Glackernick – a small facial wound inflicted while shaving with a dull glacker. Ginberg – the result of leaving 500,000 gallons of martinis sitting outside during January in North Dakota Fruitile – trying to make a hybrid by crossing an orange with a banana Gnudle – pasta made from an African member of the antelope family Garbonzorro – a masked bean hero Cartoona – a comic strip drawn by a fish Franch – a cattle operation on several hundred acres just south of the Louvre in Paris Shampoodle – a dog bred for washing hair Oscarp – an Academy Award for the best fish movie Fizzician – a carbonated doctor Braggage – boasting about how many shirts and pants and neckties your suitcase can hold Terriyakima – a Japanese sauce manufactured in central Washington Roofian – there’s a rowdy guy on top of the house Astronaughty – messing around in outer space Pelicantina – a hangout for large Mexican birds Graphitti – spray painted scrawls using lines and arrows Kenturkey – a state of perpetual Thanksgiving Plantlers – deer horns grown in garden soil. Matadork – an inept bullfighter Mooscatel – a cheap wine favored by large-antlered animals Clamdestine – something sneaky in the shellfish beds Scentsational – going nutso over a perfume Newslyweds – two reporters get married Lobsturkey – seafood Thanksgiving dinner Oathmeal – breakfast for trial witnesses Knockle – the finger joint used when tapping on a door Cornfession – admitting that you ate the last kernel Floorist – someone who sells and installs linoleum Auntiepasta – spaghetti, linguine or noodles prepared by your dad’s sister Pawper – a very poor dog Platuna – a fishy military outfit Sacksophone – a musical instrument made of brown paper grocery bags Shamepoo – an embarrassing hair rinse Cornductor – someone who guides you through the maize maze Crowbard – a large tool used by poetry-writing birds Hocktober – National Pawn Your Jewelry Month Magmazine – a publication for lava fans Soaprano – a female choir member who sings arias in the shower Calfeteria – a place where young cows go to eat when they don’t like the menu at that udder place And now, a few words for crossworders The Lowe Road A former Valley newspaperman who now writes about his travels across Arizona, the U.S. and the globe. BY SAM LOWE 4015 E. Lincoln Drive, Paradise Valley 602.381.9906 • info@ccsaz.org ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE ENRICHED BY FAITH CLASSES FOR TODDLERS THROUGH 4TH GRADE COME LEARN WITH US! P R E S C H O O L - E L E M E N T A R Y ccsaz.org

13 NOVEMBER 2023 It’s important for voters in Phoenix to vote “yes” on all four bond measures on November 7 – for safer neighborhoods, better parks for our families to enjoy, improved roadways and more. Phoenix residents will see many projects and improvements in their neighborhoods with this bond package, all without an increase in tax rates. It’s a win for taxpayers. Ballots were mailed on October 11, so be sure to look in your mailbox for yours. After my time serving with the Phoenix Police and now on the City Council, there is no greater priority to me than public safety. I’m proud to be joined by my friends from the United Phoenix Fire Fighters Association, IAFF Local 493, in support of the GO Bond. Specifically in District 6, we will see improvements made at Fire Station 13 and road safety enhancements near South Mountain. This bond will also provide critically needed resources to: • Reduce response times by investing in new technologies, upgraded police stations, and new fire stations. • Address homelessness by adding affordable housing and investing more in mental health services like the Community Assistance Programs. • Upgrade our libraries, parks, and senior centers. Please join my wife, Michele, and I in voting “yes” for Phoenix this November. Thank you! DISTRICT 6 UPDATE Councilman District 6 602-262-7491 District6@phoenix.gov KEVIN ROBINSON