Page 22 March 2012 FAMILY PRACTICE SPECIALISTS, LTD. Established 1969 • Celebrating 43 years of care Award winning on site clinical laboratory X-ray facility and bone densitometry Dermal fillers Perlane and Restylane Botox and Obagi skin care now available Excellent care offered for all ages State-of-the-art Electronic Medical Records Same day appointments available 4350 East Camelback Road • Ste F100 • Phoenix 602-955-8700 • FpsAZ.com Family Practice Specialists Our family car ing for yours Marvin C. Schneider, M.D. Mark A. Wyse, M.D. Ira H. Ungar, M.D. Allan Goldman, D.O. Kate Montgomery, FNP Karin O’Clair, D.O. David Francyk, D.O. T.E. McCauley, M.D. Charles Levison, M.D. John Stathakis, D.O., (Dermatologist) John Badalamenti, M.D. (Pain Specialist) Looking for an affordable way to reach 50,000 readers of the Arcadia News? Prices start at $145 per month. APRIL DEADLINE: Tuesday, March 13th @ noon. Contact donna@arcadianews.com for more information. Advertise in our Home Services Directory AWA R D W I N N I N G N E I G H B O R H O O D N E W S S I N C E 1 9 9 3 By Greg A. Bruns Out of the of fi ce at a conference this deadline, so here is one of my favorites: Recently I noticed an unusual transformation. Not exactly Jeff Goldblum in The Fly metamorphosis, rather it’s more like Chevy Chase at the end of Vacation when he punches the moose at “Wally World.” That was the point of no return for Chevy’s character, Clark Griswold, as he morphed into Scary Dad. I can pinpoint my occurrence to one summer day in Safeway, where I shape-shifted into a parent right in front of the popsicle freezer. Perhaps there is no greater moment of humility, complete with a laser surgery- like removal of all pride and control, than the Grocery Store Toddler Meltdown. The missus and I joined the parenting club a couple years ago, when our son Hambone was born (name changed to prevent preschool ostracism). Since birth, I would estimate 90% of the time whatever Hambone wants, Hambone gets. So it should come as no surprise to me when the Hambone hollers for a ‘sicle (his terminology of the frozen treat). Especially when I’m pushing him through this magical building where we just fl ing things we want into a cart and take them home. In his eyes, while there is a brief pause at the checkout where the checkers fawn over the boy and deftly negotiate our goodies into sacks, there’s nothing to prevent us from taking everything in this place home. In fact, there’s probably two thousand popsicles in that freezer, and I’m trying to tell Hambone he can’t have any. It makes no sense. I had visions of this moment when I would be face-to-face with The Public Tantrum. In my mind’s eye, it was all calculated risk with a bit of negotiation and understanding between two rational parties, culminating in a better father / son relationship, all at the expense of a sliver of pride. Easy shmeasy. All of this happened in approximately three seconds. We turn the corner as I realize that I’ve foolishly steered us down the frozen confections aisle. This is my fi rst mistake. There’s nothing I need down here at all, but it’s too late to double back. Committed and compromised, I accelerate and hope the frozen pizzas on the other side will distract my cargo. Once the speed of the shopping cart increases, Hambone instantly becomes aware that a juke is in the works. He haphazardly scans left and right, trying to Continued on page 23

Page 23 March 2012 SPRING SAVINGS Don’t miss these deals! *Special financing offers valid on qualifying systems only. All sales must be to homeowners in the United States. Void where prohibited. The Home Projects Visa card is issued by Wells Fargo Financial National Bank. Special terms apply to qualifying purchases charged with approved credit at participating merchants. The special terms APR will continue to apply until all qualifying purchases are paid in full. 0% APR/36 Months: The minimum monthly payment will be the amount that will pay for the purchase in full in equal payments during the special terms period. For newly opened accounts, the regular APR is 27.99%. The APR will vary with the market based on the U.S. Prime Rate. The regular APR is given as of 1/10/2012. If you are charged interest in any billing cycle, the minimum interest charge will be $1.00. The regular APR will apply to certain fees such as a late payment fee or if you use the card for other transactions. If you use the card for cash advances, the cash advance fee is 5.0% of the amount of the cash advance, but not less than $10.00. Monthly payment if shown based on $7,100 purchase. 602-482-0229 24825 N. 16th Ave. #115 Phoenix, AZ 85085 www.hayscoolingandheating.com 24 Hour Service / 7 Days a Week 24 Hour Service / 7 Days a Week & Certi ð ed $500 off New Equipment Must present coupon at time of service. 1 coupon per household. Cannot be com- binesd with any other offer. Cannot be combined with any other offer. WITH MINIMUM REPAIR OF $250 Call to Set Up Your Spring Tune-Up! focus on his surroundings, taking in maybe 25 or 30% of the environment. This is all his keen sense of grocery store awareness needs to make an educated assessment of his location. “Can we get ‘sicles daddy?” he asks in his sugar sweet, best-behavior voice. My second mistake is slowing the cart, even for a nanosecond. This gives the false assumption that the thought has occurred to me to ful fi ll Hambone’s request. All Hambone knows is, the very second he blurts out his desire, there is an instant physical response (cart slowing) that seems to indicate his wish will be granted. I might as well give him the popsicles, rip them right out of his hands and throw them on the roof of the store – it’s the same thing. Here comes my third mistake – it’s something I’m still working on. There’s this slight lull. The calm before the storm. One last chance to stop the cart, grab the ‘sicles and hit the road. I know what’s going to happen when I say no. I know Hambone is going to go Rain Man on me right here in the store. I scan my mind for the right answer – the perfect solution to the problem. But all I can come up with is a fl imsy, unconvincing excuse along the lines of “We have plenty of popsicles at home.” Then there’s this sense of panic that curls right up my spine and tickles my shoulder blades. It’s as if I just knocked over a large latte at my desk and the fi re alarm went off at the very same second. What to do? Clean up the mess or throw a chair through the window and get gone? As I fi gured, Hambone freaked. He left me no choice but to abandon the shopping cart and bolt for the door. I’m surprised no one stopped me to make sure I wasn’t abducting the child. Between Hambone’s howls, and my nervous trotting toward the car, I’m sure that’s what it looked like. Once I was able to get his spastic body into his car seat I breathed a sigh of relief, kind of like when they put The Hulk in that concrete bunker with eight-foot thick safety glass. Man, he was pissed, but at least he’s in there and not out here, you know? By the time we got home, Hambone’s brain had delivered some natural Valium and the screaming had been reduced to whimpers and snif fl es. Later on that day, when his Mother came home and asked how my day alone with our son went, I told her we had a great time. I even told her about the popsicles we enjoyed together out by the pool. Since Hambone is only two, I’m sure he won’t remember this incident, but I bet somewhere in the deep recesses of his brain, something told him that if he makes a scene in the grocery store, eventually he will get what he wants. Greg can be reached via e-mail: greg@ arcadianews.com. Hambone is now 6 and still loves his ‘sicles. Twist Continued from page 22